Pondering, playing, picking, wading and walking...

The past few weeks have been interesting for me as an individual.  I'm sure most moms go through phases like this.  Hmmm, for that matter, most people probably go through these times of self-evaluation regardless of ducks in tow, but it has been kind of hard for me.

When I think of who I am as an individual, I have a few key points that immediately come to the top of my list such as being a Daughter of God, a wife, a mother and then comes the pause.  Who am I when I'm not surrounded by my boys, my husband, my religious beliefs and convictions?  I really started pondering this as I looked around to many of my friends and the interests and activities that are daily events in their lives--business owners, artisticly talented visually or vocally, entrepreneurs, avid readers, students, employees, the list goes on and on as I have some wonderful friends that I admire and respect.  It's not that I feel jealous of what they do in their lives, but at times I feel I lack some of those special things that make each of us unique; who we are.  Case in point, recently our church boundaries were changed so we had the opportunity to get to know a new congregation.  When I was interviewed about my likes and interests, I felt that everything I shared took place years ago--nothing recent of interest.  I'm a mom, and a normal mom at that--nothing crazy like mom of the year, just your average mom, and depending on the minute you ask my kids, I'm not always that great of a mom!  Recently, as a few days have passed and I've been dealing with my kids being more disrespectful/disobedient than I would like, feeling a lack of motivation or knowlegde of how to try to change my response in these situations, recognizing the wonderful things my husband is accomplishing to support our family and to fulfill his many church responsibilities, I started getting discouraged about my lack of accomplishments.

Some days are just plain hard.  Yesterday turned into one of those days.

After letting myself wallow in discouragement for some time, I recognized the obvious, that only I could choose to change my feelings.  I do reconginze that I am truly blessed in many ways.  My family is blessed in many ways.  While we have our challenges, I know we can overcome them and I know I can overcome my personal challenges, but I don't have to do it alone.  I shared some of my discouragements with my sweetheart, and I could see and feel his concern.  I reassured him that I was going to be okay, but I was discouraged at the time and would need to work through it.  After pondering more, I knelt down and asked for help from my Heavenly Father.  I knew if there was anyone who could help me in this journey, it would be Him.  As I prayed, I felt a strong impression that I needed to make more of an effort to look for and then find the positive things in my days.  After identifying those things, I needed to focus on them and take strength from them, and the Holy Ghost would help me in doing so.  It sounds so simple and obvious, I know, but it gave me a positive direction and a feeling of encouragement.  I could do that. 

This morning as I said my personal prayers, I asked for those specific things mentioned above; the ability to recognize positive things, focusing on them and then gathering strength from them.  It's interesting how discouragement seems so sticky to get out of.  There were so many opportunities that easily presented themselves to add feelings of discouragement, but I was reminded of my prayer and made specific choices to look for positive things. 

It works.

My day hasn't been grand or glorious.  I haven't found new talents that make me unique or special.  But I have focused on positive things that do occur in my life, on a regular basis, and I have taken strength from them.  I again recognize the divine role I play as a mother, even if it is one that is not recognized with much worth in the world's eyes.  I need to look at my life through the eyes that my Heavenly Father wants me to see with, and recognize the good that is being accomplished, even amid my seemingly mediocre existence.  What's that quote..."The hand that rocks the cradle..."? 

To start our day, the boys and I headed over to the school to play in the soccer fields and on the hills.  J's physical therapist has given some specific exercises that will help his walking as he seems to be regressing with the onset of a new growth-spurt.  We all had fun running up and down the hills as we were chasing balls and trying to count the hundreds of dandilions that each of our balls ran over.  We then headed down towards our creek to pick blackberries that grow in abundance this time of year.  Blackberries are like weeds in the Northwest, but the month of August, when the prickery vines are covered in ripe, delicious fruit make them more tolerable (until you have to dig one out of your yard!!).  

While the two older boys were willing to brave the prickers, our youngest wanted nothing to do with them!

Literally, the fruits of our labors!

Next, we headed down to the creek.  Why not, it was just a few more steps!!

To start things off, J chucked a big rock hitting D right in the forehead.  Nice.  It did provide an opportunity to talk about what we do when we make wrong choices.  Repentance is priceless--truly.  I whipped my phone out when the hug started.  Couldn't miss this, could I?

(Even though D still looks a bit miffed about the whole rock thing.)

The boys had a great time playing in the water. 

Fish were the target of the day--enjoy the break, crawdads.

 

Plenty of snacks were enjoyed on our creek blanket.

And I enjoyed some much needed peace in my heart.

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men.  Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."

~2 Nephi 31:20