Relief

I considered taking a picture of The Big Guy Lowe and I walking into the Kearney Breast Center today, but just couldn't do it.  If someone could have looked into my heart and known the fear I had at that moment, they would have understood why.  It was just something I wasn't capable of doing.  Today wasn't the first time I have taken this kind of walk.  That happened when I was 23 years old...and there have been other times between then and now.

As we walked to the elevator I kept telling myself that I have made it through all the past scares.  Benign tumors have become something of a favorite past time my body has taken up--without requesting my   permission.  A few months ago I noticed changes and pain.  There had never been pain before.  I shared what I was experiencing with The Big Guy Lowe and we decided to wait and see how things progressed.  The pain left, but then returned.  This time The Big Guy Lowe wasn't about to let me wait any longer before seeing my doctor.  It's interesting how quickly you can be seen by a doctor and then have a mammogram and ultrasound scheduled when there is motivation--on the doctor's part.  This past week has been an ongoing challenge of keeping a brave face on--to help try to keep myself calm, and to help those 'in the know' around me calm too.  I really didn't have any major feelings of foreboding, in fact, for the most part I actually did feel calm.  It was just those few times that I found myself wiping tears from my cheeks as fear crept in.

Once we arrived at the center, I could at least focus on filling out paper work.  We were then asked to sit as someone would be right out to get me.  The Big Guy Lowe tried distracting me by pointing out recipes in Good Housekeeping,  but unfortunately, I wasn't really interested.  Finally, I was asked to head back for the mammogram.  At that point I was told that The Big Guy Lowe would not be able to accompany me to that because of radiation.  I stood up, gave him a kiss, and followed the nurse as my eyes welled up with tears.  Man!  I was just one scared little girl!

Without going into details, the mammogram was successful and I was amazed at the pictures they were able to get.  Finally, The Big Guy Lowe was invited to join me for the ultrasound.  I specifically wasn't paying attending to what the technician was doing, but my sweetie was able to watch everything that was happening as she measured two seperate areas.  He told me later, that was when he started getting nervous.  It probably was a good thing that I couldn't see him from the position I was in!  She then completed that test and went to let the radiologist know we were finished.  Less than a minute later, she was back with the radiologist.  At that point, The Big Guy Lowe and I saw eachother and we were both nervous.  He later told me that he had determined if we were going to have to go through surgery/treatment, that he was going to suggest that I have a plastic surgeon present.  As soon as one thing was taken out, something else would be put in!  I just laughed. 

It's good to laugh.

Gratefully, there was good news.  Yes, some new things were found, but they follow my very productive "creating" history.  I was given all the cautions of what I should do if things were to "change" again, but overall, the doctor, technician, The Big Guy Lowe and I were all happy with the results!  In fact, after all the medical stuff was over, the doctor and The Big Guy Lowe had quite a discussion about New York, lacrosse, and other areas of life.  Go figure! I go there to get my measly little boobs looked at, squished, and gooped up--and my husband leaves with a new friend!  :)

We're grateful for today's outcome.  I know I will have to make that walk again at some future date, but until then I will focus on the blessings I have today.  I love my three boys.  I love my husband.  We have many blessings and are blessed with the challenges we do have.  I'm grateful...and so relieved.